can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This house was built for laser tag.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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