Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
