So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
