I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
