You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
