Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
