Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
