and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
