Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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