I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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