i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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