Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
