I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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