I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
