Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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