he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
