I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Its about making memories worth repressing
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
