I love black thongs
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
