I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
