What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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