I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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