She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
