I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
