but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
