I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
