I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize