Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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