Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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