The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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