Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
