please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
