good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
