Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
