Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
