We got so high we made milksteak
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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