i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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