That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
tell me about the eggs
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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