It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
