I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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