somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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