My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
