what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
