Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
