apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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