i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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