i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Randomize
