you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
