i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
