I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
