a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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