I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
