PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
