hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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