tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
