The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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