Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
They have beer where we have blood.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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