I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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