I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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