i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You left your phone here
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