I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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