So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
