My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This is classic penis vs brain.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
