"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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