So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
