Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize