I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
