You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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