i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
