My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
