it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
