You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
