i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
