I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Verdict: uncircumcised.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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