just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
