i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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